


as rainshower and chrome are beautiful (and fragile)

by loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Chrome struggles with depression too, Gen, OOC, Rain Day, Sky Flames help, Tsuna helps, is a journey, it's practically canon, learning life lessons, my favorite, poor Tsuyoshi ;-;, realizations about the world, recovering from depression, settting: mafia ball, she has all the signs, so warnings for suicidal thoughts, such as sonder, warnings: the voice in his head is not very kind to Takeshi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 21:35:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce/pseuds/loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce
Summary: Nobody would expect it, but Takeshi and Chrome have one of the most understated, simple, unconditional relationships in the whole of the Vongola, strengthened by a mutual problem.In fact, relationships with Takeshi tend to be unconditional and understated in general.





	1. and so it begins

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Metronome_I_Hear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metronome_I_Hear/gifts).



> Disclaimer: depression is a different experience for everyone. This is only one interpretation.   
> Serious warnings for depressed, depressing thoughts. Takeshi is recounting how he felt with depression and how he feels now, still with depression but better.  
> Also, I have had my own experiences but not clinical depression, so I'm very sorry if this is completely off mark. I mean no harm. I just really want to see Takeshi's depression addressed more please.

To be honest, Takeshi's first impression of Chrome wasn't all that favorable. She was small, timid, skilled but not skilled enough. At the time she was very little assistance to Tsuna - that was all Mukuro. Takeshi grudgingly admired Mukuro for his pure skill, seen in breaking out of Vendicare and outrunning the Vendice. But Mukuro's attitude about the mafia and people in general was toxic (no matter how much he might have identified with a similar viewpoint in the past, before Tsuna came into his life and gave Takeshi a hand up from the pit he'd been sinking into). The Rain just couldn't find it in himself to agree with the Mist anymore, although there was always that one part of him.

That one part of him that determined the good days from the bad days. The one that almost won over Tsuna's welcoming, comforting, unconditionally accepting Flames sometimes. The one that succeeded in breaking that comfort and buffer sometimes to tell him that Takeshi wasn't appreciated. He never had been. Takeshi had his uses and that was all he was good for. His constant laughing was annoying, grating, a fault like Hayato always told him. None of his friends or comrades held any relationship of any real meaning with him, it was all fake, nobody cared, they'd be better off if he was removed from their happy lives. 

That part told Takeshi to kill himself. Told him there was little difference between life now and death he could sink, pleasantly senseless, into with just a knife in just an hour. Told him that no one loved him, that it was an illusion to hold onto his usefulness and once he outlived that, all of his “friends” would abandon him in an instant. 

That part of him whispered that Mukuro's viewpoint was right. What else could be correct? People were puppets. Heck, Takeshi was a puppet himself. What use was there in living in such a toxic, hateful world that didn't give people the freedom to be themselves and live their own lives? All of them should be grateful to perish for the greater good. Even if they didn't know it, all people were puppets and utterly unhappy.

Still, Takeshi wasn't quite ready to accept that. Even if he was fighting a constant battle within his own mind to keep laughing for real, to keep finding the good things in life, to feel alive every day, he wasn't quite ready to accept that everyone was a walking corpse like he'd used to be. 

The optimistic part of him used to be a small minority. Takeshi, his own thoughts, his own personality, used to be bulldozed over by the negative thoughts, the mental cancer. He couldn't see happiness, he couldn't feel happiness, there was only darkness and eventual waking death. 

(He wasn't kidding when he'd said he was a walking corpse.) 

Tsuna was his solace. His Sky was the one who had helped him push back the rotten thoughts that weren't his, that were invasive and foreign and _ not true. _ Even if not consciously, in the beginning, and truthfully even now, Tsuna gave him an obsession to focus on instead of the… mental issues. Warm, loving Sky wrapped around his Guardian bond at all times and chanted, thrummed,  _ here, here for you, love you, need you. Want you. _

That had done wonders for his mental state. Takeshi knew that his father had wanted to help him for years - had seen the downward spiral that Takeshi's thoughts were taking him in - but the son would always avoid the topic. Laugh emptily and avoid burdening his father with his useless thoughts and dark soul. 

(It takes two to communicate effectively and fix a relationship problem.) 

His father had seen the change Tsuna inspired in him, how the good thoughts were breaking back through and gaining a foothold, and wholeheartedly gave permission for Takeshi to enter the mafia as the Vongola Decimo's Rain Guardian. 

(“I'd rather have a mafia son than no son,” Tsuyoshi had told him later, embracing the younger Rain and nearly breathing out the words. “That includes one as a zombie.”) 

Yamamoto Tsuyoshi always went out of his way to prepare extravagant meals and welcome Tsuna kindly for a reason, despite the whole mafia deal. The man didn't necessarily _ want _ his son entering the mafia, but well. 

Takeshi's father and Tsuna were the two big motivators of Takeshi's self-discipline. He doesn't think that Tsuna even knew how much he'd helped with the thoughts. Not only had Tsuna provided an outlet for his obsessive tendencies, his Sky had also talked him through bad weeks and critical suicidal minutes several times. They'd had long conversations about his feelings and it had always helped. One or two had even included Hayato, even more with Takeshi's father. Takeshi was so close to being cured!

Tsuyoshi was extremely relieved to be able to know what his son felt and to help. Tsuna had thanked him multiple times, but he was the one truly grateful. Tsuna had become such a _ supportive _ Sky. 

-._.-

As stated before, Takeshi hadn't seen or considered Chrome. In the future she got better, stronger, but so did all of them and it still didn't seem impressive. 

It was only really during the Arcobaleno Trial fiasco when Takeshi's instincts, which went off around Chrome but he attributed that to being Mukuro's vessel, forced him to take notice of her. 

The Rain started to notice traits, patterns, habits. Similarities. It not only inspired him to look for the same type of connections with his fellow Guardians, friends, and family, but also completely widened his scope of the world.

Chrome, the diminutive female Mist, had a spine of absolute steel. It was not unlike the one Tsuna possessed, and he suspected that it had been beaten into her by a combination of their Sky and Mukuro. She also carried around a feather-light warning aura that notified the smart and strong to run the frick away. 

Chrome was determined, strong, imaginative, and quiet. Much more of a people-watcher than an extrovert. Though she needed time to recharge, separating her completely from all people made her miserable. She was also quite calculating and in the process of improving her reaction time to unforeseen situations with effective, fast solutions (especially outside of fights). 

Takeshi felt very strange. Liberated, but the world had turned on its head and now that he had had fun with the observations, he now had to come to terms with the perspective change. Suddenly everything had turned on its head, and other people were just as real and had quirks and lives of their own that he hadn't noticed. 

Unfortunately, total adjustment to change like that did not come easy. Has never, really. He'd talked to Tsuna, Hayato, Tsuyoshi, and Reborn about it. They'd all been interested, engaged, and helpful. It helped his self-esteem a lot. 

Even more unfortunately, the world didn't intend to give him a break, and only seven months after the first realization, the second was steadily approaching. 


	2. it continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takeshi has trouble with his brain and Chrome comes to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. Actual narrated action now, guys! And dialogue!!

“We actually have three Active Rains and two strong Latent Rains,” Mr Rossetti prattled, trying to impress Takeshi but not even bothering to make sure the Rain was paying attention.

Takeshi laughed and fervently hoped that he could find a way to get out of this conversation as fast as possible. He never liked others trying to kiss up to him in hopes for some favor - in many ways, he preferred fights or assassination attempts on Tsuna. (Immediately, a sense of shame and chagrin made itself known. That wasn't exactly what he had meant. He hated any threat to Tsuna.)

Takeshi got a disproportionate number of wolves or sheep trying to get in with him because he was the most approachable of the Guardians. (Although as right-hand man, Hayato had a number of his own despite the temper. It amused Takeshi and was enough petty revenge for his own annoyances that he mostly left the other Guardians alone for this issue.) He’d become very good at nodding and smiling and escaping as fast as politeness allowed, but the sting of uncomfortableness never quite left.

“...I’ve always admired the way you use Kojiro…” the man prattled on. Takeshi hadn’t been having a very good day, never mind week, and he only showed up to this ball because it was the biggest annual Vongola event. _But they don’t need_ you _here,_ his voice of doubt chimes in the back of his head. _Obviously you’re not being very helpful. Trapped here with a figurehead that’s in the Vongola’s pocket anyway… you should do things you’re actually good at, like making sushi or pushing yourself so hard that they won’t need your use any longer. Broken arm, anyone? Or, you could do something else you’re even better at, suppressing your feelings and going out to kill people._

Takeshi jerked at that. He really had let it wander too far out of hand - he gasped and barely prevented himself from clutching at his head. “I’m sorry,” he barely heard himself say as though underwater, “I really need some water and fresh air. My throat - ” Without a backwards glance, the Rain stumbled through the crowd and out the nearest exit, which turned out to be the gardens. _Useless, useless Yamamoto, you can't even last through the extremely important event required for your status in Vongola. Why do they even trust you again?_

He took a deep breath of the lighter, crisp night air, and relaxed a bit without all the people around, scrutinizing his every move like he was a bug under a microscope. _Waiting for your inevitable slip-up. Don't pretend you're_ competent, _that you would have ever gotten through that ball without making a mistake._ He slid down the wall right next to the door and just breathed for a while, in, out. In, out. In… out. There. That was much better.

_Is it? I bet there's someone waiting right out there, watching you even now, snickering at how weak you are. They could take you out in just a second. Then Tsuna would see how useless you are._

Takeshi jumped up and whirled around, eyes wide and breath held, and scanned the doorway and surrounding plants. No one was there. He squeezed his eyes shut, resisted the urge to punch his useless self, and sat back down again.

After letting himself breathe for a few long minutes, he urged himself up and plopped down on a bench out of sheer willpower. _I am not a weapon,_ he reminded himself, _and my friends appreciate me for who I am, not just what use I have. I have survived this long, I can pull through. I am competent._ He repeated that several times until he started to believe it again, a familiar exercise. Except it took more times than he usually had to recently, which disappointed him. He should be getting over this by now, right? He’d struggled with it for so long and won so many times, weren’t monsters supposed to disappear once they’d been defeated? Normal people, even mafiaso, didn’t have this problem. He really shouldn’t be having this problem, he couldn’t afford it when his energy needed to be concentrating on helping Tsuna and not _fixing himself._ It should - _you should be done with dwelling on negative thoughts by now, you useless idiot._

“Oh no,” a voice interrupted him, and he could tell it was real by the soft lilt in it, empathizing and gentle in a way that his harsh mental abuser never was. That and the arms embracing him from behind were real. “It’s no use to think like that.”

“Chrome?” he whispered, not opening his eyes. His mind was still not in the best state.

“Yes, I’m here,” she answered.

“How… why?” he asked after more breaths. The physical touch, tender and not demanding or expecting, was very calming and anchoring. His voice cracked a bit.

There was a small, melancholy smile in her tone when she spoke next. “Because you need someone, and Tsuna’s unavoidably busy right now. It was very easy to slip away.”

Takeshi hummed. “Give me... a  moment,” he requested. “Whisper for a bit, please.”

“Sure, of course,” she responded. “Let me come around and sit on the bench and I'll stay for however long you need.” Takeshi felt the cool night air replace warmth, and he shivered until Chrome settled herself in beside him. “Ahh… the stars are bright tonight, even though some clouds are covering them. No Mist on the grounds, though.” A comfortable pause. “At least not any made naturally.” She gave a warm chuckle and whispered on, and Takeshi felt himself drifting away from the negative voice and lulled towards Chrome’s soothing tone instead.

The Rain went completely limp in her arms, until he felt like he was grounded in his body again, like the touch around him was for _him_ directly. Then he tried to sit up abruptly.

“Thank you,” he said in a whispy tone. “I feel good enough to go back in now.”

Chrome tightened her hold on him, forcing his head down to her lap, and hummed. “No,” she responded after a few moments, and Takeshi almost recoiled.

“But Tsuna's in there, and I have to be there for him,” he stated, strangely raw and pleading, staring up at her.

“Hayato, Ryohei, Kyoko, and Reborn can take care of that,” Chrome refuted patiently, with steel. “You feel well enough to be on your feet, you’re back to being the owner of your body, but that's not enough.”

“It's been enough for years,” Takeshi contended, fighting her hold.

“That's not enough,” she repeated firmly. “You've only delayed the inevitable. You can't just slap a band-aid forever on a wound that needs stitches, you know. You've got to actually address your depression all the way. Stare it in the face. And then it will get so much easier to deal with, although it won't go away.”

“I already _did_ that!” Takeshi told her, suddenly angry. “I need to get back before the voice takes over my mind again!”

“Not completely,” she insisted. “Have you ever referred to it as depression, even in your own head? It sounds like you're waiting for it to go away.”

“How would you know?!” Takeshi muttered angrily. “You're not a therapist.”

“I've had my own experiences with depression. Have you ever referred to it as depression, even in your own head? It sounds like you're waiting for it to go away,” Chrome repeated.

“...No,” Takeshi admitted after a few moments, wondering about Chrome's own admission, and then continues, “The negative thoughts have got to go away sometime, right? And then I'll have a normal brain. I just have to last until then.”

Chrome's body freezes and she stops drawing breath for a bit. “...No,” she contradicts him gently. “The worst of depression comes and goes, but it never truly leaves.”

“NO!” Takeshi exclaims, jerking up again, stopped by Chrome again. The wild in his eyes fades after five long moments and he wilts. “I didn't want to hear that.”

“No one does,” Chrome agrees. There's a short pause. “Do you accept it?”

“Need time,” he replies.

She nods and gently cards through his hair for a while. He breathes and pushes each intrusive thought out of his head and focuses on calming his pulse and feeling back into the center of his Flames. 

They sit there for a long while. Takeshi thinks, and Chrome is there beside him, gently smiling and being there for him, just a solid support beside him. 


End file.
